Jack:"I would've knocked, but my fist had other plans."
Thomas Jefferson:"You wouldn't want to be speaking French for the rest of your life, now would you Jack?"
Jack:"All those silent x's? My throat hurts just thinking about it sir."
Sir Rupert Smythe:"I suppose I never forgave that damnable gravity for what it did to your mother's once perky buttocks."
Jack:"He's a guy! The only honor he's interested in is jumping 'on her'!"
Jack:"Beat it turkey! I'm in the middle of some thanksgiving!"
Jack:"Gee, I can't thank you enough."
The Jack of All Trades theme song (one of the best I might add)