Blackadder's Christmas Carol sound clips

Blackadder's Christmas Carol (1988)

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Queen Elizabeth:"Give me something nice and shiny! And if you don't, I've got something nice and shiny for you and it's called an axe!"
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Ebenezer Blackadder:"My best wishes to your massive offspring!"
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Lord Melchett:"May the Yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down."
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Queen Elizabeth:"Any last requests, Blackadder, before I chop your block off and put it on top of the crimble tree?"
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Edmund Blackadder:"Shall I begin the Christmas story?"
Prince George:"Absolutely, as long as it's not that terribly depressing one about the chap who gets born on Christmas Day, shoots his mouth off about everything under the sun, and then comes a cropper with a couple of rum coves on top of a hill in Johnny Arab land."
Edmund Blackadder:"You mean Jesus?"
Prince George:"Yes, that's the fellow! Keep him out of it. He always spoils the X-mas atmos!"
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Ebenezer Blackadder:"I detect from your accent, sir, that you are not from around here."
Prince Albert:"Ah, nein. I am from Glasgow."
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Edmund Blackadder:"Greetings! I trust that Christmas brings you it's traditional mix of good food and violent stomach cramp."
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Ebenezer Blackadder:"In the 'feeling good' ledger of life, we are rich indeed!"
Baldrick:"Yeah, I just wish we weren't doing so well in the 'bit short of prezzies and feeling a gullible prat' ledger."
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Ebenezer Blackadder:"Ill conceived love, I should warn you, is like a Christmas cracker. One massively disappointing bang, and the novelty soon wears off."
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Baldrick:"You got anything for me?"
Edmund Blackadder:"Oh, it's nothing really."
Baldrick:"Oh sir."
Edmund Blackadder:"No, it's really nothing. I haven't got anything."
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Christmas Carolers:"God bless Mister B. at Christmastime, and baby Jesus too. If we were little pigs we'd sing "Piggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-woo. Oh, piggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-woo. Oh, piggy wiggy wiggy woo. Piggy-wiggy-woo. Oh, pig wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-wiggy-woo!"
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Spirit of Christmas:"Being ruler of the universe is not what it's cracked up to be. There's the long hours. I mean, you wave at people the whole time. You're no longer your own boss."
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Ebenezer Blackadder:"Size isn't important my friend. It's not what you've got, it's where you stick it."
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Edmund Blackadder:"God, that woman's about as subtle as a rhinoceros horn up the backside."
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Edmund Blackadder:"You wouldn't see a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord, singing 'Subtle plans are here again!'"
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Edmund Blackadder:"I should have known not to trust a man with a mental agility of a rabbit dropping."
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Ebenezer Blackadder:"I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large you'd think it's mother had been rogered by an omnibus."
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Queen Elizabeth:"I want a prezzy!"
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Ebenezer Blackadder:"I'm not convinced that Christianity would have established its firm grip over the hearts and minds of mankind, if all Jesus had ever said was 'woof'."
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Edmund Blackadder:"Greetings! I trust that Christmas brings you it's traditional mix of good food and violent stomach cramp."
Lord Melchet:"And compliments of the season to you, Blackadder. May the Yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down."