Little Rock:"Whose Bill Murray?"
Tallahassee:"Hey I've never hit a kid before. I mean, that's like asking who Ghandi is."
Little Rock:"Whose Ghandi?"
Columbus:"Someone's ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it."
Tallahassee:"I hate coconut. Not the taste, the consistency."
Tallahassee:"Here's the deal, Columbus. I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a *****. So I give this relationship to about Texarkana."
Columbus:"Really? You'll take me as far as Texarkana?"
Columbus:"As zombies began to outnumber humans, well that's when you had
to cut all emotional ties. If the girls in your neigborhood are now ****ed up little monsters, well maybe it's time to stop driving car pool."
Columbus:"When you're afraid of everything that's out there, you quit going out there. Which is what happened to me before Zombieland. Friday night. Third straight week indoors. World of Warcraft. Leaning tower of pizza boxes. Code red Mountain Dew. Pride? No where. Dignity? Long gone. Virginity? Totally justifyable to speculate on. My whole life, all I ever wanted was to find a girl and fall in love, bring her home to meet the folks. Then again, since my folks are a couple
of paranoid shut ins like me, maybe this girl could bring me home to her folks. And then, I'll finally be a member of a cool functional family."
Columbus:"So I'm on my way from my college dorm in Austin, Texas to Columbus, Ohio, where, Im hoping my parents are still alive. Even though, we were never really close, just be nice to see a familiar face. Or any face that doesn't have blood dripping from it's lips and flesh between its teeth."
Tallahassee:"I'm not great at farewells, so, 'that'll do pig'."
Columbus:"That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard, and you stole it from a movie."
Columbus:"Remember mad cow disease? Well 'Mad cow' became 'mad person' became 'mad zombie'. It's a fast acting virus that left you with a swollen brain, a raging fever and made you hateful, violent, and give you really really bad case of the munchies."
Columbus:"You might want to buckle up, you know, for safety."
Tallahassee:"I can tell already you're going to get on my nerves."
Columbus:"What's your name?"
Tallahassee:"Stop. No names. Keeps us from getting too familiar."
Tallahassee:"Time to nut up or shut up!"
Tallahassee:"Well this twinkie thing, it ain't over yet."
Wichita:"You have just survived the zombie apocalypse and drove half way across the country! Where are you going to go?"
Little Rock:"I'm going to Pacific Playland!"
Tallahassee:"You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of the year."
Columbus:"There are no penguins on the North Pole."
Tallahassee:"You wanna feel how hard I can punch?"
Tallahassee:"You wanna feel how hard I can punch?"
Columbus:"Rule number one for surviving Zombieland? Cardio. When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties."
Columbus:"Don't let them catch you with your pants down. Rule number 3, beware of bathrooms."
Columbus:"Fasten your seat belts! It's going to be a bumpy ride!"
Columbus:"In those moments when you're not sure the undead are really 'dead' dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets."
Tallahassee:"I haven't cried like that since Titanic!"
Columbus:"Another rule to surviving Zombieland, 'Travel light', and I don't mean just luggage. I've always been kind of a loner. I avoided other people like they were zombies even before they were zombies. Now that they are all zombies, I kind of miss people."
Tallahassee:"There's a box of Twinkies in that grocery store. Not just any box of Twinkies, the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. Believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date. Some day very soon, 'Life's little Twinkie gauge' is gonna go empty."
Columbus:"Woulda, coulda, shoulda."
Columbus:"This is now the United States of Zombieland!"
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