Karl Wolfschtagg:"You are the greatest player I have ever seen, other than myself, practicing in front of a mirror. Which I do everyday in the nude."
Feng:"I won't bite, not anywhere that will show."
Feng:"Ping Pong, or as the Chinese say, Ping Pong."
Karl Wolfschtagg:"Oops. Clumsy, Clumsy hippos."
Feng:"Okie dokie arta-chokie. First of all, I know getting here was the commute from hell. I have to be a smidge off the beaten track here."
Randy Daytona:"Never hug a man with a million bucks worth of hardware up his crack."
Master Wong:"Your temper brings dishonor to my happy mushu palace."
Maggie:"So sorry. Don't speak English."
Hammer:"Mmmmmm tastes good!"
Karl Wolfschtagg:"The years have not been kind to you. I will not be either!"
Maggie:"Randy, I'm trying to sacrifice my life for our love. Stop being such a dick!"
Agent Rodriquez:"Mister Daytona?"
Agent Rodriquez:"Ernie Rodriquez, FBI."
Randy Daytona:"Oh my god, I didn't mean to hurt that guy! How could I know that he had a bad heart?!"
Agent Rodriquez:"That's not why I'm here. Actually I thought that was apart of the show. Till the paramedics showed up, I was laughing my ass off."
Feng:"We have champions from every continent, so please, everyone, wear a name tag."
Master Wong:"Welcome to the underbelly of ping pong where fortunes are won and lost. I'm exaggerating, of course, but you get my point."
Sex Slave:"This rescue sucks dude!"
Gary:"Not you. You're doing great."
Gary:"If I had known I'd end up as a sex slave, I never would've gone to that audition in Orlando. Thought I was going to be doing cruise ship shows. Next thing I know, boom, sex slave. Always read the fine print amigo."
Person in Crowd:"You suck!"
Karl Wolfschtagg:"Hey! Hey come on. That stings. Who said that?"
Randy Daytona:"You killed him."
Feng:"Well duh. What part of 'sudden death' didn't you understand?"
Master Wong:"It is better to die like a tiger, then to live like a pussy."
Feng:"Gentlemen, athletes, I bid you toodles."