Columbus:"When you're afraid of everything that's out there, you quit going out there. Which is what happened to me before Zombieland. Friday night. Third straight week indoors. World of Warcraft. Leaning tower of pizza boxes. Code red Mountain Dew. Pride? No where. Dignity? Long gone. Virginity? Totally justifyable to speculate on. My whole life, all I ever wanted was to find a girl and fall in love, bring her home to meet the folks. Then again, since my folks are a couple
of paranoid shut ins like me, maybe this girl could bring me home to her folks. And then, I'll finally be a member of a cool functional family."