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Shaun:"Pete? Pete?"
Ed:"Why don't we just go up?"
Shaun:"No! Don't go up there!"
Ed:"Why not?"
Shaun:"Because A, he might be one of them. And B, he might still be annoyed."

Ed:"Purple Rain?"
Shaun:"No."
Ed:"Sign of the times?"
Shaun:"Definitely not."
Ed:"The Batman soundtrack?"
Shaun:"Throw it."

Shaun:"Look, ok, just get any blunt objects together, alright? If you get cornered, bash them in the head. That seems to work out. Keep together, stay sharp and follow me."

Shaun:"Come and get it! It's a running buffet! All you can eat!"

Shaun:"As Bertrand Russell once said, 'The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation'. I think we can all appreciate the relevance of that now."
Liz:"Was that on a beer mat?"
Shaun:"Yeah, it was Guinness Extra Cold."
Liz:"I won't say anything."
Shaun:"Thanks."

Dianne:"Now take another look at the way he moves. Remember, very limp. Almost like sleepwalking. Look at the face: it's vacant, with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who's lost a bet."

David:"Lizzy, how can you put your faith in a man you spectacularly binned for being unreliable? A man whose idea of a romantic nightspot and an impenetrable fortress are the same thing? This is a pub! We are in a pub!"

Ed:"Alright, gay!"

Shaun:"How's that for a slice of fried gold!"

David:"For a hero, you're quite a hypocrite!"
Shaun:"You're the one that's gone from being a chartered accountant to Charleton Heston!"
David:"I'm not a chartered accountant!"
Shaun:"Well you look like one!"

Ed:"You didn't tell me Barbara had a Jag. I've always wanted to drive one of those."
Shaun:"Yeah well it's Phillips, ok, and he won't let anyone near it. Honestly, I put half a Mars bar in the glovebox once and he chased me around the garden with a bit of wood."

Ed:"Who died and made you king of the zombies?!"

David:"You still haven't met his mum?!"
Shaun:"Not yet."
Dianne:"Don't you get along with your mum Shaun?"
Shaun:"It's not that I don't get on with her..."
David:"Are you shamed by your mum Shaun?"
Shaun:"No! I love my mum!"
Ed:"Yeah, I love his mum. She's like butter!"

Shaun:"Mum, have you been bitten?!"
Barbara:"No, but Phillip has."
Shaun:"Oh ok."
Ed:"Has she been bitten?!"
Shaun:"No, Phillip has."
Ed:"Oh, ok."

Shaun:"As Mr Sloman always says, there's no 'I' in team but there is an 'I' in pie. There's an 'I' in meat pie. The anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about. Look, that's it."

Ed:"So, what's the plan?"
Shaun:"Right. We take Pete's car, we drive over to mum's, we go in, take care of Phillip, "I'm so sorry Phillip", then we grab mum, we go over to Liz's place, hole up, have a cup of tea and wait for all this to blow over."
Ed:"Why have we got to go to Liz's?"
Shaun:"Because we do."
Ed:"But she dumped you!"
Shaun:"I have to know if she's all right!"
Ed:"Why?"
Shaun:"Because I love her!"
Ed:"All right, gay! I'm not staying there, though."
Shaun:"Why not?"
Ed:"If we hole up, I wanna be somewhere familiar, I wanna know where the exits are, and I wanna be allowed to smoke."
Shaun:"Okay. We take Pete's car, go around mum's, go in, deal with Phillip, "Sorry Phillip", grab mum, go to Liz's, pick her up, bring her back here, have a cup of tea and wait for all this to blow over."
Ed:"Perfect!"
Shaun:"No, no, no, no, no, wait, we can't bring her back here."
Ed:"Why not?"
Shaun:"Well, it's not really safe, is it?"
Ed:"Yeah, look at the state of it."
Shaun:"Where's safe? Where's familiar?"
Ed:"Where can I smoke?"
Shaun:"Take car. Go to mum's. Kill Phil, 'Sorry', grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?"
Ed:"Yeah, boyyyeee!"

David:"I still don't actually understand why we're going to the Winchester!"
Shaun:"Because it's a pub! It's safe! It's secure!"
Ed:"They know us there!"

Shaun:"You know, I don't think I got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum and my girlfriend, all in the same evening."

Shaun:"What's the matter David? Never taken a shortcut before?"

Shaun:"Look, I don't care what the telly says, all right? We have to get out of here. If we don't, they'll come up here and they'll tear us to pieces, and that is really going to exacerbate things for all of us."

Ed:"You believe everything you hear on tv?"

Shaun doing a zombie impression

Ed:"Any zombies out there?"
Shaun:"Don't say that!"
Ed:"What?"
Shaun:"That!"
Ed:"What?!"
Shaun:"That! The Z word! Don't say it!"
Ed:"Why not?!"
Shaun:"Because it's ridiculous!"
Ed:"Alright! Are there any out there though?"