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Graham Hess: "Is it possible that there are no coincidences?"

Bo Hess: "It's contaminated."

Merrill Hess: "Alright listen. We both go outside, move around the house in opposite directions. We act crazy, insane with anger. Make them crap in their pants, force them around till we meet up on the other side."
Graham Hess: "Explain 'act crazy'."
Merrill Hess: "You know, curse and stuff."
Graham Hess: "You want me to curse?"
Merrill Hess: "You don't mean it, it's just for show. What?"
Graham Hess: "It won't be convincing. It doesn't sound natural when I curse."
Merrill Hess: "Just make noises then."
Graham Hess: "Explain noises."

Tracy Abernathy: "Is douche-bag a curse?"
Graham Hess: "I suppose that would depend on its usage."
Tracy Abernathy: "How about 'john you're a douche-bag for kissing Barbara?"
Graham Hess: "It's a curse."
Tracy Abernathy: "Then it's not 37, it's 71."

Graham Hess: "It's happening."

Graham Hess:"Now we are going to enjoy this meal. No one can stop us from enjoying this meal, so enjoy it! Stop crying!"

Bo Hess: "There is a monster outside my room. Can I have a glass of water?"

Bo Hess: "Why can't they get girlfriends?"

Merrill Hess: "This is exactly what the nerds want."

Merrill Hess: "Okay, I was out of line with the whole 'female Scandinavian Olympian' thing."

Merrill Hess: "Excluding the possibility that a female Scandinavian Olympian was running around outside our house last night, what else might be a possibility?"

Graham Hess: "Who wrote this book?"
Morgan Hess: "Scientists who've been persecuted for their beliefs."
Graham Hess: "That means they're unemployed."
Morgan Hess: "If your gonna make fun of it then forget it."
Bo Hess: "This is serious."